Weddings in Russia

Russian Wedding

Weddings in Russia are much different than typical American weddings. Beginning with the engagement period, there are stark contrasts between a Russian wedding and an American wedding. In Russia, when a man proposes to a woman, he simply asks the woman for her hand. Engagement rings are not part of the process, and actually the ‘engagement’ ring is the ring exchanged at the actual marriage ceremony. Instead of purchasing a ring at this time, the groom-to-be often gives the bride-to-be a bouquet of flowers. The engagement period in Russia typically lasts anywhere from 1-3 months, rather than one or two years. There is no formal announcement of the engagement, except to family and close friends.

The time of the engagement is really dependent upon the ‘registration’ that takes place with the department of registration. This is the government agency in Russia that is responsible for all registration of births, deaths, divorces, etc. The couple wishing to be married must register first and ask for permission to register their marriage. The registration department will respond with dates that are available for the couple to marry, however a one month waiting period is typical. People in Russia tend to marry at very young ages, anywhere from 18-23 years of age.

The planning of the wedding includes fewer steps and fewer details then a typical American wedding. The wedding involves rings and the brides dress. The wedding ceremony is followed by a reception. In the past, under Soviet rule, the woman’s parents were usually responsible for the costs associated with the wedding. Now, the bride and grooms’ families usually split the costs equally.

Russian Wedding Cake

However, the groom does go with the bride to select their wedding bands (which are called engagement rings) and the groom does pay for this portion of the wedding. The ring is placed on the right hand, instead of the left hand, on the right hand ring finger. A ring worn on the ring finger of the left hand indicates that someone has been married before (either widowed or divorced) but is not married now.

The brides’ dress is one of the bigger expenses for the wedding, but nothing in cost compared with what is spent (on average) in America. Because the majority of Russian women sew, most brides make their own wedding gowns. The price of the fabric is really the only cost associated with the wedding gown. Fabrics can range anywhere from $50 to $200. Very few brides “hire” out their dresses to be sewn, or buy them.

The other important element in the wedding ceremony is the procession of cars. Black cars used to be seen as items of luxury, as they formerly were used by Soviet government officials. The bride is usually “collected” by one of these nicer cars, and friends and family bring as many cars as possible to be part of the procession to the department of registration.

Once at the department of registration, the bride and groom have a ‘ceremony’ in which they exchange rings and sign their names to the registry. In a Russian ceremony, there are no bridesmaids or groomsmen. Instead there are just witnesses, who document that the bride and groom have signed the registry. The people who act as witnesses are then responsible for entertaining any of the other guests who have come to the department of registration to see the ceremony. This entertainment can involve a skit, performances or even competitions.

After the registration in complete, the couple usually heads out in their procession of cars to sight see around the city. They might visit war memorials, graves or other famous landmarks. This sight-seeing tour may last for 2-3 hours before the bride and groom arrive at the wedding reception.

At the reception, the bride and groom are greeted by the witnesses and guests. Then begins the process of ‘sweetening the vine’ or having the bride and groom kiss. Rather than clanking glasses together, as is customary in America, in order to have the bride and groom kiss, the wedding guests toast the bride and groom with champagne and allow them to kiss for as long as possible until the ‘vine is sweetened.’ The witnesses are always an integral part of the reception, entertaining the assembled with jokes, skits and songs. As with American weddings, the bride and groom begin the dancing with a first dance. And, guests present the couple with gifts (usually money.)

Another main difference between Russian weddings and those in the West is that Russian weddings last for usually two days, instead of one. After the main reception, another reception takes place on the morning after the wedding, usually at the place where the bride and groom will make their residence. Most of the time, the couple will reside at the home of one of their parents, since living on their own at this age and stage of life is very expensive.

For the second day of the ceremony, the bride and groom do dress up, albeit not in a gown or tuxedo. They wear usually brand new clothes, a simple dress for the bride and nice shirt and pants for the groom. The families and witnesses gather again, and participate in one or many competitions that are designed to provide the newlyweds with some money for their new life together. The competitions may be a game where guest throw money on the floor and the bride has to pick it up. Whatever the game, the witnesses are still responsible for keeping the wedding guests entertained. While the first day is the official ‘marriage day’ the second day is much more relaxed, and is a time for the couple to enjoy their guests and families.